happy fourth birthday sweet girl...

our girl turned four at 2:15ish this morning. hard to believe! here is the post where i posted her first day pics. check out the one where she's smiling! and could she look MORE like kenny?

http://grebefam.blogspot.com/2006/04/youre-supposed-to-start-websites-like.html

and then this is from a few months ago... sweet little three year old attitude face. :) i will do her four year session soon..



anyway happy birthday aislyn. we love you now more than ever!

blue

a sweet lady who came across my photo blog sent me some hats for free if i would get her some kid model shots to use in her advertising. i am obsessed with hats, knit beanies, etc. grayson agreed to pose for a couple today. is he not darling?

grayson in action

no words for this video. i mean, what is he doing? and who taught them this?

http://braidynandmali.blogspot.com/2009/09/best-buddiesor-butt-buddies.html

9.5 weeks

and all is well so far. still a heartbeat. still complications, bleeding, subchoreonic hemmorhages, etc. but they have not proven to be a big deal so far. another ultrasound (the FOURTH) will happen next friday. so for now, they will just watch me. and that's that! our approx due date is april 13th, which i can't remember if i mentioned in the last post or not. we will be optimistic, as is our dr., that this baby will keep growing!

aislyn's name for him/her this week? mara. like mare-uh. she makes up a new name at least once a week. i think she REALLY thinks she gets to name this one. maybe i should stop telling her that.

thanks for the prayers. :)

THUMP thump. THUMP thump...

went our new baby's heartbeat this week. :)


we found out, MUCH to our surprise, that i am pregnant almost four weeks ago. i thought i had begun my cycle (way too much info but this is where i document things i want to remember:)), but three days later, when things were just a little too weird, i took a test on a whim when we got home from church. i was immediately devastated, knowing that there were already complications and that has never boded well for us in the past. our first miscarriage seemed to be a replica of this pregnancy. (yet our second seemed like a perfect pregnancy). i knew something was wrong. i called right away to get on progesterone, started it an hour later (i got people ;)) and started the roller coaster of emotional HCG level checks. our first number was 30. SUPER duper low. last time i bought a new robe as my "miscarriage gift" to myself to make me more "comfortable". i was already thinking, what can i buy this time... two days later, they had gone up to 68. good, not great. two days after that we were at 195. ok, now we're getting somewhere. we waited five days and they shot up to 3020. way more than doubling every other day which is what they are supposed to do. i was thrilled and started to relax about it all. that lasted a week and then satan took over. he filled my head with awful thoughts and convinced me that everything was wrong, that there would be no heartbeat. i could not distinguish this awful feeling from that of the enemy, or from that of God just preparing me for His plan. because i know that sometimes His plan is just that.. it's pregnancy loss, it's infant death, it's all of these things that we see as bad, but He is using them for His glory- to Him they are not bad things at all. i know that. so i prepared myself for the very worst, and if you asked my mom, i talked very pessimistically for about a week. ok, actually you could ask anyone who knew our secret and they would tell you the same thing.

finally, the day for the ultrasound came. our dr's office has this handy little roll around ultrasound machine, which is FABULOUS for moms who have had miscarriages and are jaded each time they go to the doctor. at your first appt, she does a quick ultrasound just to find a heartbeat and put you at ease. i walked in there just bracing myself for a large man to punch me in the stomach as hard as he could. i know i looked so downtrodden, my doctor even said that actually. the ultrasound began, she was silent for thirty seconds, no expression on her face. then without looking up, she said "everything looks great". i said "WHAT? you're kidding right? there's a baby in there? with a heartbeat? and it's not in my tube? or there isn't one in each of my tubes (which is one of the scenarios i played out in my head)." "no, look for yourself." she was right. a tiny little baby shaped blob with a heartbeat was visible on the screen. i really really could not believe it.

i know that God is teaching me to trust Him, but i also know that trusting Him means being at peace with His will for my life, whether we get to meet this baby or not. we are not out of the woods. i am just shy of 8 weeks, a month away from my second trimester still. anything can happen. but what we will do, is find joy in Him and nothing else. and if we meet this little one (who kenny predicts is a boy), awesome. if God decides to take him/her home before that time comes, then that has to be ok too. i'm done with the "everything will be fine" theology, meaning don't worry, everything will go your way, just have faith. i'm onto the "everything will be according to God's will, and i will rest in the fact that He knows best." that's my attempt anyway. i need accountability for sure.

so for now, we are expecting, due in april (right around tax day) and very excited at the prospect of a new little grebe, who kenny would like to name ritter. really?

thanks for your prayers. we covet them.

bubbles and my grizzly man

i know you must be dying

to see another. ok, twist my arm.

and another

i just love this smile. it's natural. and for some reason when i get out my camera she will only do "model face", so this made me happy. :)

another

of my girl. she kills me.

my babies

so.. my kids were all dressed up and playing in the backyard so i had to grab the camera. don't have much else to say. OH, grayson is eating turkey lunch meat and grapes now. happily. so that's two more things he has agreed to eat! that's big news for us. :) onto the more interesting part of the post...
i forgot to add (earlier) that grayson posed himself for these.. hands over his head, stare at the camera, then he decided to put his hand on his face. people i do not pose my children. i tell them where the light is best, and they do things like this. isn't that hilarious? he must be watching his sister...

we are still here

and doing well. it seemed like it took just as long to get back in the swing of things as it did for us to be gone. i don't think i left the house for a week, and if i did, it was because i had to. the kids are doing good. aislyn says she does not want to go back to denver. i don't blame her. it was certainly NOT a vacation in any sense of the word. i think somewhere in my mind i thought maybe it would feel like one.. but alas, no. it did not. i have not ever been that tired i don't think. it was a GREAT trip, don't get me wrong. but certainly not a vacation.

grayson has flared once or twice since being home, but it is likely because i am letting him "be more of a kid" and run through the grass, step in water with his socks off, etc. it's very hard for me to let him do these things, knowing that he will likely flare, but its good because i know how to make him comfortable afterwards. his hands are still his problem area but it's not nearly as bad as it was. i only have to do a scratch check once or twice a day and i think he is understanding that when he scratches, it hurts. we have done several wet wraps on his extremities and he lets us, so that's good. i've done his head a couple times, but he usually pulls it off his face within 20 minutes. i'm looking forward to the fall, his eczema seemed to do a little better last year in the fall/winter months, and i hear it's usually the opposite. so i'm not sure why that was the case. hopefully it will be the case this year too. he is eating SOME new foods, but not tons. he loves fritos, raisins and sometimes corn. i still canNOT get him to eat apples and grapes, though he carried one around yesterday, which i guess was a start. aislyn encourages him to try new things, it's cute. she's a self proclaimed "good" big sister.

we are enjoying our summer but would really like for it to not get hot until 1, during naptime so we could go to the park in the mornings. but oh my word i just can't get out in the heat. i have fall fever, as usual. i want to buy pumpkins and halloween costumes and it's july 10. typical.

i have no pic for this post..sorry. i know that makes them considerably more interesting!